It’s Only Been an Hour And I Really Miss Her

I just said goodbye to my mom after a wonderful vacation of surprising my cousin for her 25th birthday several days ago. My mom and I had a great time, and much like many vacations we were steadily busy with events (birthday celebrations) and going to  “must go to” stores. I was really blessed. However, I have realized that I am homesick and have been for quite some time. I miss sleeping in my own room, my own bed, with my dog, and having more than enough quality time with my mom and dad. Therefore, this trip was not long enough for mom-daughter time. My mom is one of my best friends and I really appreciate her, even the times when she calls me out or says mother-like things. Such as, “Don’t forget to…” and things like that. But even when she acts like my mom or says things that mom’s say, I still love her and respect her. She has gone through so much in her life, of which several things I have learned from. She is a great mom and always tried to do what was best for me. It’s only been an hour since her flight took off, but I really miss her.

Sometimes I wish I had more than enough money to know what to do with, because I would plan weekend visits to see one another or to go places, just me and her. But I don’t have that much money right now, but maybe one day I will.   

I love my mom! She’s the best mom (and only mom)
I’ve ever had!

Metaphor: My Life As a Chapter In a Book

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about how about 8 weeks ago; I realized metaphorically speaking that writing the end of a chapter in your life is a lot harder than it seems. At the beginning of January as I processed the last year or two, I found myself not really being able to fully describe what was going on because I was anticipating the next chapter to begin and dreaming of the stories to come. As I look back on the past 2 years of my life living in Denver, Colorado it has been amazing. I have matured so much which means that I have grown tremendously. I have had more ups than downs, and honestly struggled at times with not knowing how my rent was going to come in and even how to get more people to financially support me as I live in the United States as a missionary. However, through all of my struggles God never left my side and He always provided financially for all of my needs. Through my struggles I learned to trust Him and I learned to lean on Him for strength. For all of the times that were good, I grew in confidence in the woman I am and I grew in self-discipline/ self-control. And the more I put situations in God's hands, the more I would laugh and smile. The joy of the Lord was truly my strength. And this joy was and continues to be contagious. Now as this new chapter has begun the joy from God continues to be my strength. Joy continues on into this chapter.

In the past I have been frustrated that my close friendships would always seem to be in my life for about 2 year increments. However, I recently realized that the reason why those friends only were in my life for about 2 years was because I was beginning a new chapter of my life and they were going in another direction, therefore leading them out of the chapters of my life. This even applies to my last dating relationship, which also lasted around 2 years. While pondering this fact of my close friends being in and out of my life every 2 years, I wondered how I would be able to get married and even wondered if I had something emotionally wrong with me. But actually God revealed to me that as I stated before, those friends of mine and I were going in the same direction at the same time, but then our lives were calling us in different directions. And as for my future husband, God will be always leading us down similar paths and no matter what we are committed to each ... For better or worse better, In sickness and health, For richer or poor richer, Until death we will part.

Speaking of "better or better", that is where I begin to write this next chapter of my life. This past week we had our annual staff conference and I have committed to be on staff for another 2 years. I do not know what it will look like for these next 2 years on staff other than learning more in leadership. However, in my personal life I will be bettering myself in health, life skills, passions, God given dreams and desires, and other things. I am so excited about these things to come, because they are things I have put aside for a time and now I feel like God is strongly encouraging me to pick up those things that I have put aside. I have no idea what it will look like, but I do know that my commitment on staff is more important than these things that I will be pursuing aside from "work time". I am excited to see what doors of opportunity open up and what doors close. Another thing that is great, is that as I am bettering myself in all aspects of life, I will also be bettering those around me and the campus that I volunteer at. I am so excited for these next two years and I love fantasizing about what may come out of my dreams and passions. :-)

You Think You Are Dreaming Big, Dream Bigger With God

For the past 6 weeks, God has been challenging me to think larger and to dream bigger. So, I have been thinking about my future and asking myself questions like, What would I do if I had a lot of money? And If I could do anything in the world, what would I do and why? At first I felt selfish and thought that I shouldn't be thinking so lavishly. But when I asked God about it, I believe He was saying that the things I want to do are not selfish and that I was created for great things. And when I really thought about it my life would be somewhat different, but my passions for bringing people closer to God and inspiring them in truth remains the same. Maybe one day God will bless me with a platform to speak truth and inspire people much like the popular NFL player, Tim Tebow .Or maybe one day I will be working a minimum wage job with what appears to be little influence. It doesn't matter to me as long as I am being obedient to the things God is asking of me. Another things that I have been thinking about is the fact that recently people have told me that I am being a good steward of the things God has given me; which makes me think of this scripture and wonder what other things will God have me be in charge of.


“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ - Matthew 25:23 NIV


Again I ask myself, If I could do anything in the world, what would I do and why?


Sometimes when I begin to think of "my dream job", having a nice house with little to no bills, and having the privilege of speaking truth to thousands of people - I become awestruck thinking Really? Me? No, someone else can do a better job or communicate things better. But why not? Why not me? If that's how God will use me, then so be it. If God wants to use my life in such a enormous way, then let it be. Why should fear of failure, or fear of not communicating effectively get in the way? WHY NOT?! This makes me think of the life of Moses, who led thousands of people out of Egypt (a place filled with many lies and injustices) with a speech impediment. If God used Moses, why not use someone else like me? I don't have a speech impediment, but I do struggle when stressed or under pressure to communicate clearly. With every opposing question that comes in my mind, I realize more and more that it's only a lie. A lie to get me to not walk in the fullness of who God created me to be. However, I will not succumb to these lies. I will not settle for anything less than my best. I will live my life humbly and obediently for God and only Him, no matter how big or small the platform may be. 

January Update

December 2011

Hello Friends and Family,

As I am writing this, the weather outside is 60 degrees and sunny. I say this because it is beautiful, but also shocking. It has been a mild winter this year in Arvada, Colorado. Another thing that’s beautiful is that I am nearing the 2 year mark of when I joined staff here at YWAM Denver. I must say that I have learned so much and I have grown so much as an adult. I would not change anything. Some of the things that I’ve grown in are as follows: trust in God to provide finances, time management, vulnerability, cultural growth (going to Africa), maturity, spiritual leadership and positional leadership. I am planning to continue to be on staff for another 2-4 years which will include moving up in positional leadership, leading 7 week mission trips/outreaches to other countries, and continuing to learn and grow.

I hosted a movie night at my house in the Summer of 2010. About 20 people were there.

For the last year I have been a small group leader in 4 different schools. This means that within the last year I have directly discipled and mentored 13 students, along with speaking into lives and encouraging many other people. Recently, I have prayerfully decided to take a break from being a small group leader and take some time to personally develop more into my personal growth. Sometimes it can be hard to personally rest and grow when you are constantly pouring into the lives of others. So far, God has been teaching me discernment and wisdom. I have been learning so much since this year has begun, and I am constantly in awe of how great God is and how faithful He is to give us the desires of our hearts. Taking this time off from being a small group leader is a minor change, yet with major lifestyle changes. I’m not quite sure how these lifestyle changes will look now, but I am excited to see how my obedience to God will bring understanding later. Even though right now I am not a small group leader, my work load has not decreased as I am currently working in Hospitality, Childcare, and the Creative Ministry Department.

My Small Group - Fall 2011 (Santa and the Elf were not in my small group ;-) )

            In a couple months I will be making some lifestyle changes such as moving on campus which will allow me to put some money in my savings account. I will also be selling my car to get out of some credit card debt. Although I am making these decisions, I still need more financial support. I plan to save for some big life changes in the future. If you would like to invest in my future please contact me, and I will be greatly appreciative. I pray you are doing well and that you are having a blessed new year.

Blessings, 
Becca   J

Summary of the last 3 months

It’s nearing the end of a year and the new year will begin. I know I haven’t written here in 3 months, so let me start off by paraphrasing what’s been going on in my life.
God has been teaching me how to be more vulnerable which in results in trusting Him more. He is teaching me more positional and spiritual leadership. He is teaching me to believe and hope more in the things He has promised me or that I would like to see happen. He is teaching me how to dream with Him. And I am sure there are more things that He is teaching me.

I have been extremely busy this last 3 months and it’s been good but at the same time extremely exhausting. I know things will be slowing down soon, and as things slow down I will still be busy but in a different way because God still wants to work on these things more in my life.

Some decisions I’ve made in the last 3 months:
* To stay on staff with YWAM Denver until 2015 or 2016.
* To move out of my apartment and move on campus (to save money)
* To sell my car to pay off credit card debt.
* To possibly go on an outreach this summer, to see if I want to lead people on missions trips.

 

This entry is kind of all over the place, and it’s because my mind is in several place. I am currently sitting at the airport waiting to go back to Denver. I had an earlier flight, but had a chance to get a voucher so I took it. I still have 3 more hours at the airport until I board. I will hopefully write a deeper entry soon.