AFRICA!!!!!!

I have exciting news that I am eager to share with you. I AM GOING TO AFRICA!!!!! Ever since I did my Discipleship Training School (DTS) and did my outreach phase/missions trip 4 years ago, I knew that I wanted to be a missionary. But I had no specific idea where I wanted to go, so I began asking God 3 questions: Where, What, and Why. I soon realized that I had a huge heart for Africa, specifically the Southern part of Africa. As I continued to ask God about what I was called to do in Africa he showed me that I come alive when I hear about AIDS and HIV in Africa. Then I asked the final question, “Why?” and the answer is bring faith to the faithless, hope to the hopeless, and to love the unloved – simply as Jesus did and continues to do. Then God gave me the verse 1 Corinthians 13:13, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” I believe this dream and passion to go to Africa started when I was around the age of 8 when I watched the movie The Lion King. I know now that Africa is not like the movie, but I still get excited thinking about when I will be going there.

So you may be asking, how did you get chosen to go to Africa? Every small group leader in the DTS gets put into consideration as to who will assist the outreach leader. In the DTS that I am staffing, there are 2 outreach locations for the students to choose from. One is to China and the other is to Africa. I talked to one person responsible for choosing outreach assistants and told them that I would love to go to Africa. A couple weeks later they approached me and asked if I would like to go to Africa. I screamed and said, YES!!!!! There will be 23 students going to Africa, and for every 5 students 1 staff person needs to go. So I will be assisting the leader along with a married couple and their 2 year old son.

The next question that may have crossed your mind is, where will you be going in Africa, and what will you be doing? We will be going to Johannesburg, South Africa for 3 weeks. Then we will be going to Dondo, Mozambique for the final 4 weeks of the outreach. In South Africa we will be working in the slums and also with AIDS babies. While in Mozambique we will be working with Heidi Baker’s ministry called Iris Ministries. This specific location that we will be at is boy’s orphanage ages between 7-18years old. We will be working hard on this trip by helping with farming, plowing fields, leading church services, loving on the widows and orphans, and many other things.

There are many more details to be worked out and our plane tickets will be bought soon. The tentative dates that we will be traveling will be from March 28^th – May 7^th. After arriving back in Denver, Colorado the students will go through a week of teaching and debrief times as well. They will then graduate on May 20^th and will go back to their homes.

My current plan after the students graduate is to take a 3 week vacation where I will be spending about a week in Arvada, CO with my parents and then flying back home to Illinois with them for about 2 weeks. I’ve been wanting to spend more than a week in Illinois, because 1 week is not enough time to see family and friends. I am also hoping to share with friends, family, and supporters about specific stories and things that God did in my life during this trip. I believe that while I am in Africa God will give me answers to questions that I have been asking Him for awhile now.

I will try to send out another update before I leave for Africa.

I Don't Want To Ride On Somebody Else's Passion

I don't wanna ride on somebody else's passion

I don't wanna find that I am just dry bones

I want to burn with unquenchable fire

Deep down inside

See it coming alive

Help me find my own flame

Help me find my own fire

I want the real thing

I want your burning desire

--- song "Help Me Find My Own Flame" by Will Reagan and United Pursuit

Ever since I first heard this song a couple months ago, I've had a stirring in my heart for something more. Something much more. I believe that I have a unique calling on my life, and that my own flame is to go to South Africa and help people with Aids through health care and music. I feel a stirring in my heart to get more training, either do more YWAM school's or go back to college. I am not sure if I will become a Nurse some day or if I will just get training fit specifically for the ministry that I feel I have been specifically called to do.

As for now, I am going to be on staff with YWAM for another year and maybe even for another year after that. I am unsure what my future holds, but I know that it holds in the hands of my God.

a BIG season

Its the beginning of the Fall Season. The weather is getting cooler, the leaves are beginning to change, and the football season has begun.

For me, the new quarter is about to begin with about 105 students arriving on Monday. I am very excited to be staffing my 1st school as a Small Group Leader (SGL). I will be a SGL for the Musician’s Discipleship Training School. I will also be the Hospitality Assistant and helping out with some childcare (babysitting). It will be a busy quarter. With being a SGL, I will be discipling 3 young women throughout their 3 months of teachings. I will be meeting with them once a week for a one-on-one, and we will have Small Group times with all of us together. I am really looking forward to getting to know these women, along with the other people in the Musicians DTS.

On a more personal level, I am expecting highs and lows this season in my life. I am expecting good time and hard times. Now, I know that through the lows and hard times I will grow more and I will learn more, but I am prepared for it to not come “easy” or naturally. I have noticed a pattern of God revealing really significant things to me during seasons like this, and I am anticipating for God to reveal some answers to questions that I’ve had for a while. I am really looking forward to this season in my life, and the BIG things that are going to happen.

Twenty-Five

 

I am twenty-five years old. I am a quarter century old. I am old enough to rent a car without under age fees. I am more beautiful inward and outward than I was a year ago.
As of August 13th, I am twenty-five years old!

I am really excited for this year of my life. I feel in my spirit that big things are going to happen this year. I am going to go through a huge amount of growth and maturity. It’s going to be good.

At twenty-five, I would have thought that I’d be married, have at least one child, and possibly live the American Dream.  But at twenty-five I am single, have no children, am living on my own in a suburb in Denver, Colorado, working for a non-profit organization, trusting in God to provide for my finances, and living off of faith for God to provide all of my needs. It is wonderful. God knew what was best. I love my life!

This year I spent my birthday away from my family. It was hard at times, but I have such great friends and people that are like family here. I think because of these people, I had the best birthday in long time. I felt so loved and encouraged. I spent some quality time with several friends and went to downtown Denver for a girls night out. I am so blessed.

I am looking forward to what God has planned during my year of being twenty-five years old, and I am prepared to let Him use me in any way He has planned.

Intended for Larger Things

Picture taken from flickr.com

For the past week I’ve been reflecting on the personal growth that I’ve experienced. As I looked back I was reminded of a quote from the movie BIG FISH…

… Kept in a small bowl the goldfish will remain small, with more space the fish will double, triple, or quadruple it's size. It occurred to me then that perhaps the reason for my growth is that I was intended for larger things
After all, a giant man cant have an ordinary size life.

If I were a goldfish, I feel like I have already doubled in size and I am going to grow even more. I have gone through several difficult things: moving away from home, living on my own, being out of my comfort zone, etc. And through these things, like the picture above, I have jumped from the little bowl to the bigger bowl.

When I look back on my life and even think of the small town I grew up in. I think about the times that I have wanted more space to grow, but didn’t know how to obtain it. Now, I understand that I had to wait until it was given to me.

One of the biggest thing that I enjoy about my job is that I don’t have someone frequently checking up on me. Don’t get me wrong, I have a supervisor but they give me a task and expect me to get it done or most of it done. I’ve noticed that by having this freedom I have grown tremendously in maturity, discipline, and even spiritually. I love growing and moving forward in life. I’ve also realized that I like to be challenged because it stretches me to learn more and experience more.

Although hard, I am enjoying this challenging time and season of growth. I wonder how big of a fish I will grow to be.

Trying Not To Get Comfortable

It’s the middle of April which means that I have been on staff for 6 weeks. Usually by this point I have a pretty good assessment on how things are going in my life and with the things around me and what I need to do to change.

Being on staff has been good, tiring, and exciting. I love being able to work in a Christian atmosphere with positive people. I love meeting new people from all over the world and nurturing the children around me. I love where I am physically (at YWAM Denver) and what I am doing on staff (Reception, Child Care, Housekeeping, and planning for YWAM’s 50th anniversary).

Personally I can sense that I am starting to get comfortable. This is both a pro and a con. Getting comfortable can be a stepping block to apathy. I am at peace where I am, but I need to not forget to continue to push myself. I realized this today. I need to keep pushing myself to continue to develop relationships with the new students, which may include spending time with them when I am not on working hours. I need to be who I am and do what I do. I need to find a balance in pouring into others (staff and students) while also resting and allowing myself to get poured into by God. I need to remind myself daily of the promises that God has spoken to me since I have been here. He is so faithful and full of love!

I’m Finally Here

Three years ago I finished my first YWAM school, and I was finally 100% sure about the calling that God had on my life. I was going to be a full time missionary and start off in the states with YWAM, but I didn’t know where. Before I eagerly jumped on the band wagon I needed to be be patient because God wanted me to go to YWAM Denver to do a School of Worship. After completing that secondary school I didn’t know what was next. I didn’t want to come back to YWAM Denver, but God slowly softened my heart and I began feeling like I was going to be on staff with YWAM Denver. I worked to save money for the next school – Phase 2/School of Ministry and Development. Three months after graduating from my 3rd school with YWAM – I came back to YWAM Denver to join staff.

YWAM Denver has become my home away from home.

I am officially a staff member of YWAM Denver. I have committed to being on staff here for a year at a time. I am excited for the next season of my life: one that I have been waiting 3 years to get to. I know that God has great plans for me and how to use me. I am going to meet many people in the next year along with touching the lives of many people of which excites me to the core. :-) However with all of the positive things that are going to happen, I am aware that it is not going to be easy and I am going to grow and mature to a deeper level.

The next quarter doesn’t start until April 5th, so until then I will be helping out wherever is needed. So far I know that I will be helping out in the kitchen, childcare, and maybe housekeeping.

I will post another blog once I know what I will be doing for the next quarter and of anything else that God is doing in my life.

:-)

Home Is Where Your Heart Is

Home is ultimately not about a place to live but about the people with whom you are most fully alive. Home is about love, relationship, community, and belonging, and we are all searching for home. --- Soul Cravings by Erwin Raphael McManus

I am back home again. Christmas has come and gone and 2010 is just around the corner. It feels so surreal. It's always nice to be home even though I miss my friends in YWAM. While involved in YWAM I meet a lot of people from all over the world, but by the end of a school many of those people I will probably never see again. It's kind of depressing, but I have hope because in March I will be going back to YWAM Denver to join staff with 10 or more of my classmates. I will be signing a contract for a year. I may be there longer but I am talking it a year at a time. Right now I am not sure what types of jobs I will be doing, but I will know soon enough. Some of the jobs that I could be doing are the following: childcare, hospitality, housekeeping, helping out in the kitchen for meal preparations, miscellaneous personnel jobs, working directly with a school/disciplining students, and many other jobs. I will be working from 9 am-5 pm, Monday through Friday which leaves no time for another job. I will have several perks like being given vacation time, being with friends who are like family, etc. The biggest perk is doing what I love: serving people and loving people.

I am so excited for this next step in my life. Not only is Denver, Colorado like my home away from home, but I will be doing the thing that I have been wanting to do for the past 3 years --> to be a full time missionary. However, it is bitter-sweet to move out of my parents house and live almost 1,000 miles away from home. Nothing will ever take that feeling of love, comfort, family, and peace like being in the place where I grew up; the place filled with many memories of which I call home.

Thanksgiving at the Care Center

Thinking back on last year - I spent a couple hours helping out at a local homeless shelter and it felt so good to help people out on a day that I typically like to spend with my family. This year I am in Colorado and decided not to go home for Thanksgiving. In our school we have been doing weekly local outreaches. Myself and a few other of my classmates have been going to The Care Center almost every Monday night. (The Care Center is set up like a nursing home but the residents are mostly people with physical or mental handicaps.)We have seen the anticipation on the residents faces when we get there, and can see the sadness in their eyes when we have to leave. One lady that I have grown close to is Patty (in the pictures). She is very nice and just lights up when she sees us. I look forward to seeing her every week and just hanging out with her.

It felt so great to take a couple hours out of my Thanksgiving day to just hang out with some really cool people who didn't get to see their family this holiday. I think this is a Thanksgiving that I will always cherish.

The Leadership School Called PHASE 2

It's going into the 9th week of school for me, that means the leadership school only has 3 more weeks left. I am learning a lot about Principles in Leadership, Pitfalls in Leadership, God's Word (the importance of staying in the Word as a Leader), Faith in Finances, Effective Personal Ministry, and Strength Finders (learning about our top 5 strengths and how to effectively use our strengths in leadership). But I am also learning more about what God is calling me to do and what He wants me to work in my personal life. I have been really diligent with my time and disciplined in getting my homework done on time, if not early. I am surprised at how I haven't procrastinated much and I am wondering if I finally "grew up". :-) I do not have a love for reading, and so far a good portion of my homework has been reading books and doing book reports. But despite the busy lifestyle that is YWAM, I am learning a lot.

Moving onto other topics, the weather here has been beautiful. Colorado is always inconsistent and at the beginning of October the leaves were changing and then it snowed about a half inch so all of the beautiful leaves quickly turned into many shades of browns.

Then about a week later it snowed for about 24hrs and we got about 2 feet of snow. While it was snowing I listened to some Christmas music and dreamed of Christmas. Three days later the snow was almost gone with it reaching up into the 60's. It was nice though to get a little taste of winter and the feeling of Christmas. It was so nice.

I was thinking about touring with a band to the East Coast after my school ends on December 18th, but after thinking and praying about it more I have decided to go home after my school ends. I will be home for Christmas and I will be staying home for about 2 months. In March, I am going to come back to Colorado and be a full time missionary for at least a year. I am so excited about it, and I am so excited to discover more of what God has planned for my life.

VIdeo Blog # 6 - A Simple Update

In this Video Blog I talk about the busy months I've had working, where I work and what I do. I also talk about my near future plans.

UPDATE: on the baby Robins (Greedy & Williena Robinz) also included in this video!

Watch and Enjoy!

:-)

Right In The Middle

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

--- Song written and sung by John Waller
"While I Wait"

This is where I am ... I am waiting. My life could go in 2 different directions and I'm right in the middle of knowing what is going to happen.
1 direction could be what I desperately want to do: Go to YWAM Denver in the Fall and do their leadership school (Phase 2), possibly go on outreach after the 3 month school, then prayerfully consider becoming a full time missionary with YWAM Denver.
Or the other direction could be: Stay at home, continue to work and serve my church family, save up money to do missions trips to Africa or where ever God leads, invest in friendships and family. With either direction God is behind it. The only way that I could do the 1st direction I mentioned is by God providing a financial miracle. And I'm waiting for that financial miracle, because there is no way that I can physically do to get the money that I need in 5 months.
While I'm waiting ... But patiently I will wait.


Decision # 1


OR


Decision # 2

What Does That Look Like?

About a month ago, I was feeling like someone had hit the "pause button" on my life. I felt like no matter how much I'd push forward, I'd end up not going anywhere. I was frustraited with God, because I was lacking any direction from Him. So I asked some respected elders in my church to pray for me. I told them that if God wanted me to head in another direction of my life, then NOW would be the time for Him to lead me to where ever He wanted me to go. After praying for me the couple told me that I needed to give more spiritually, but what does that look like?! I understood what they told me, but as time went on I realized that I still had no clue what specifically I was to do.

Once again, I pushed forawrd in my life and with the things I believe God was telling me to do. But instead of feeling like my life was "paused" I felt like it was going in slow motion. I decided to not stress about things not going my way, and just relax as I planned for a road trip with a couple friends to Colorado for 2 of my good friends wedding (March 14th).

On the way home from Colorado, a wise friend confirmed some things about what he believed God was laying on his heart to tell me. It was about giving spiritually and some ideas on how to do that.


I enjoy giving. I feel like I give so much of myself, time, money, and other things freely... sometimes a little too freely. I don't consult God in what I'm giving and I've realized sometimes I'll say "I really feel like God wants me to give __________ to you." But really it's me being impulsive and the adrenaline of being spontaneous makes me think that God's telling me these things.

I believe that consulting God more about the things I give, and giving more to Him spiritually is going to be a HUGE step in maturity and growth spiritually.

With this said, I feel like it's going to be a slow process, which makes me anxious about the things I need (finances) and I'm feeling the crunch (6 months) of when I need these things. But I know that God has put this passion inside my life for a reason, and that reason is not for failure. I know God will provide, and I need to be patient for His timing for it all take place.


I made my 3rd Video Blog while I was at the YWAM Denver base, and I've put some pictures in the video as well to help you see the place where I know God has called me for another season of my life.

Watch and Enjoy!

P.S. Comments are always welcomed!!!

I Will Never Forget...

Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid. Do I act for God? Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart.
- Genesis 50:19-21 (The Message)

Today is the anniversary of a memory that I will never forget, however it is an anniversary that sometimes I wish I could forget... the anniversary of what I call "The Shooting" (see link for more information).

Last week I had experienced most if not all of the emotions I had experienced the night of the shooting, and all of the memories came rushing back to me uncontrollably. It seemed like everywhere I looked something was triggering the memories, which caused me to feel like I was reliving the trauma.

So I humbled myself and I went to a counselor yesterday, for the first time in my life, to see if she could help me deal with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and help me with the symptoms that I have been having for a year now.

She said that it sounds like I am almost over the peek of it and that I need to do more grieving. Which I believe is true. Since the moment it happened it felt surreal, and I just wanted to wake up from this bad dream but I never woke up. Then I just wanted to get over it and forget it ever happened. So I'm sure there is more grieving that I need to do. Also she mentioned the difference in cultures of Illinois and Colorado and how I could be also grieving the culture change. She hit the nail on the head with the whole grief thing. Colorado is my home away from home, and when I am there I feel like my heart is full. :-)

She mentioned some different types of therapy/tests that I could do along with the counseling and she said that I'd probably only need a few more sessions. Yea!

But no matter how much I may want to forget what happened, I will never forget ...

Articles to read for more information:
Rocky Mountain News article published December 6, 2008
YWAM Article # 1
YWAM Article # 2