I Will Never Forget...

Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid. Do I act for God? Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart.
- Genesis 50:19-21 (The Message)

Today is the anniversary of a memory that I will never forget, however it is an anniversary that sometimes I wish I could forget... the anniversary of what I call "The Shooting" (see link for more information).

Last week I had experienced most if not all of the emotions I had experienced the night of the shooting, and all of the memories came rushing back to me uncontrollably. It seemed like everywhere I looked something was triggering the memories, which caused me to feel like I was reliving the trauma.

So I humbled myself and I went to a counselor yesterday, for the first time in my life, to see if she could help me deal with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and help me with the symptoms that I have been having for a year now.

She said that it sounds like I am almost over the peek of it and that I need to do more grieving. Which I believe is true. Since the moment it happened it felt surreal, and I just wanted to wake up from this bad dream but I never woke up. Then I just wanted to get over it and forget it ever happened. So I'm sure there is more grieving that I need to do. Also she mentioned the difference in cultures of Illinois and Colorado and how I could be also grieving the culture change. She hit the nail on the head with the whole grief thing. Colorado is my home away from home, and when I am there I feel like my heart is full. :-)

She mentioned some different types of therapy/tests that I could do along with the counseling and she said that I'd probably only need a few more sessions. Yea!

But no matter how much I may want to forget what happened, I will never forget ...

Articles to read for more information:
Rocky Mountain News article published December 6, 2008
YWAM Article # 1
YWAM Article # 2