Christmas 2008 - A Cherished Memory

Playing Apples to Apples at the Rossman Family Christmas

This Christmas is a cherished memory, because the past 2 years I have been away doing missionary training schools with YWAM and also it's is the 1st Christmas I've been content with being single (ever)!

My nieces shouting "PRESENTS!" right before we begin to hand them out.

I cherished the little things and especially the big things. However, I didn't like the frequent weather changes and terrible road conditions that led up to Christmas day.

After the Ice Storm 1 week before Christmas

This Christmas I got everything and more that I was hoping for and the best thing about it was that I was financially able to get everyone in my immediate family the gifts they wanted.

The ornament I got for my dad (not the only gift)

I tried my hardest to cherish every single memory this holiday season because I have no idea where or what I will be doing for the following years to come.

I love sitting by the fire in the fireplace around the Holidays!

I Will Never Forget...

Joseph replied, "Don't be afraid. Do I act for God? Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I'll take care of you and your children." He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart.
- Genesis 50:19-21 (The Message)

Today is the anniversary of a memory that I will never forget, however it is an anniversary that sometimes I wish I could forget... the anniversary of what I call "The Shooting" (see link for more information).

Last week I had experienced most if not all of the emotions I had experienced the night of the shooting, and all of the memories came rushing back to me uncontrollably. It seemed like everywhere I looked something was triggering the memories, which caused me to feel like I was reliving the trauma.

So I humbled myself and I went to a counselor yesterday, for the first time in my life, to see if she could help me deal with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and help me with the symptoms that I have been having for a year now.

She said that it sounds like I am almost over the peek of it and that I need to do more grieving. Which I believe is true. Since the moment it happened it felt surreal, and I just wanted to wake up from this bad dream but I never woke up. Then I just wanted to get over it and forget it ever happened. So I'm sure there is more grieving that I need to do. Also she mentioned the difference in cultures of Illinois and Colorado and how I could be also grieving the culture change. She hit the nail on the head with the whole grief thing. Colorado is my home away from home, and when I am there I feel like my heart is full. :-)

She mentioned some different types of therapy/tests that I could do along with the counseling and she said that I'd probably only need a few more sessions. Yea!

But no matter how much I may want to forget what happened, I will never forget ...

Articles to read for more information:
Rocky Mountain News article published December 6, 2008
YWAM Article # 1
YWAM Article # 2

Emphasis on Giving

Thanksgiving is NEXT week and Christmas will be fast approaching and then another New Year!

Ahhhh!!!!

My youth pastor gave a message a couple days ago on Thanksgiving, and I was expecting the traditional "be thankful for what you have" type of speech. But as he was speaking God spoke to me something else: what's the last part of the word "Thanksgiving"? ... GIVING! My youth pastor even touched on it.

This year I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my life and being thankful for many things, so this Thanksgiving I am going to do something else ... exercise giving. Sometimes I feel like I give enough physically or emotionally, but who am I to judge how much is enough or how much is too little. With help from the BIG G I can give so much more.

Photo taken from Flickr.com

Yarning

"Yarning" is the word I've made up when I want to talk about crocheting and knitting. For the last month I've been trying to teach myself how to crochet, with the help of my grandma. It's been a lot of fun! Next, I'm going to try and learn how to knit. Maybe even as soon as next month (1 day away).

I've felt like God stirred up a rebellion inside of me that I will not let fear of failure control what I do or don't do. So all of the things I've wanted to learn how to do, or even things that I want to do just once - I WILL DO or try to do! I will face fear because fear does not control me, love surrounds, I will be everything God wants me to be! (Maybe I'll use that in a song sometime!)

So anyways, I've kind of always wanted to learn how to crochet, knit, sew, paint, cook, and many more things; but I would push it aside and tell myself that I couldn't do it or I would try it and get frustrated by my failure. But now with this new "rebellion" the disappointment or frustration only pushes me forward to succeed.
I was reading Proverbs in The Message version one day and I realized that God is shaping me into this type of woman:

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.

(just a few sections of Prov. 31)

It's so cool how God speaks to us, we just need to make sure we are listening.

Here are a couple of pictures of what I've done this month.

These are hats and scarves I made for my nieces birthdays.
They are 2 years and 2 days apart: Nov. 3, 2004 and Nov. 5, 2006

This is a soft and fuzzy scarf I made my mom.
It's a "just because" scarf because she thought it was really cool what I was doing.

Content with Cornfields and Bean Fields

I've been at my job for 1 month already and I still love it! But as I watch the leaves change color and fall I begin to feel restless. The last 2 years I have been away from October - March, so I assume that's why I feel like I should be going away again. A few weeks ago as I was driving home from a friends house God shared with me (once again) that I should be content where I am, where He's told me to be for right now. So I took a deep breath and looked around at the Mid-Western scenery. I saw cornfields and bean fields on each side of me, a beautiful sunset sky, and I felt the peace only God gives. So once and a while when I begin to feel restless I think back to that day and what God told me. I take a deep breath and look around at my surroundings ... what I see is beauty and what I feel is contentment and peace.

This picture was taken from Flickr.com

Summer Blessing of 2008

I have been so blessed this year and so privileged to do many new and exciting things. This summer surprised me the most. I expected now that I was out of the YWAM community that my life would become dull and uneventful. But God blessed me and at the same time that He was blessing me, He allowed me to be a blessing to others.

Here's how I have been blessed this Summer:

May

• I flew to Colorado and visited my friends in YWAM Denver for a week.
  
  
  
  
• 2 of my good friends from Madison came down and spent a 3 day weekend with me.
  
  
  
  
• I went to a Rodeo with my mom and dad in a near by town.
  
  

June

• I went to my 1st Chicago Cubs Game at Wrigley Field (also my 1st MLB game) with my dad (early Father's Day gift) and we got free hats!
  
  
  
  
• I got to catch up with a childhood friend.
  
  
  
  
• Went to Kid's Church camp for the 2nd year in a row as a Cabin Leader.
  
  
  
  
• My Uncle from California came and visited for 10 days.
  
  

July

• I went to my cousins Softball Championship Tournament (she's the pitcher).
  
  
  
  
• Went to a Black and White Ball with my mom for an annual MaryKay rewards banquet.
  
  
  
  
• I went with a friend and her kids to Springfield for the day of fun, history, education, and a train ride.
  
  
• I went to Chicago with 2 my friends that I did SOW with.
  
  

August

• I went on a road trip to San Francisco for a friends wedding with a friend from Oregon. She drove and picked up me and new friend. Then we drove all the way to San Francisco and I flew back home. We stopped in Iowa, Colorado, Nevada (camped at The Valley of Fire), Long Beach, CA - where I saw my aunt and uncle, then San Francisco!
  
  
  
• I got to spend time with my Aunt and Uncle from New Mexico along with my other relatives from the Mid-West.
  
  
  
• I got a car for a $1!
  
  
  
• I went to my 1st Circus with a friend from High School.
  

WOW! I was so blessed this summer! :-)

0 - 60 in ...

After 6 months of waiting for God to release me to apply for jobs, I am finally employed. I say "finally" because at times I felt like a 20-something still living with her parents and living off of them.. oh wait... I was. My parents and I joked around that they were housing a homeless person (me) and that they were. I had no job, no car, and I felt like was going no where.

On Monday, I start classroom training and hands on training with Horizon House. The position is 60 hours a pay period (every 2 weeks) not including the classroom training. Also, there are always opportunities to pick up extra hours. This job has great benefits and a bonus after the training is completed. The house that I will be assisting has 8 ladies. They look like they have great attitudes. This is going to be a great learning experience and I am really looking forward to starting. Also, the house that I will be working at is about 5 blocks from the nursing home where my grandparents live... so that is a nice bonus.

I'm looking forward to the challenges and the experiences that I will learn from with this job.

After 2 Years I Have a Car

My Grandparents have been in the nursing home for about 6 months now. It's hard on me sometimes to see them there and hear them express how much they miss their independence. It's also been hard because I've wanted to do so much for them, to ease their pain, but I until 2 weeks ago I didn't have a way to get there.

My Grandpa has decided to give me his car, and with the help of my dad finding and getting together all of the paper work... I have a car. Now that I have a car, I can get a job and save money for Phase 2. Also, I can drive this reliable car to Colorado when I go back!!!


I have been so blessed and the timing is perfect. What more can I ask of God, but perfection?!

(P.S. I've noticed that I tend to write novels when I post things, so I am trying to just keep it short and to the point.)

The Past 3 Months

Hello!
This is random, but I just wanted to mention it because I am so excited! I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but before I left for a tour of the West Coast with 8 people in my School of Worship (SOW) in YWAM Denver, I was blessed by someone giving me a guitar. I had been praying for about a year for God to give me a guitar or provide me with enough money to buy a guitar and here I was given a Gibson electric guitar. It was made in 1997 and is in good condition. Even though I didn't know how to play it, I took it with me on tour and it was played many times by the guys in the band.

Trillium: Waiting For Summer Tour

I am so sorry for not writing an update sooner. I am back home in Illinois now and I am done with my tour of the West Coast. I had an incredible time and God was evident in our lives and especially in our praise and worship. We did have some road blocks that appeared as we prepared for this outreach/tour as well as throughout the outreach. One really big one was the shooting that happened at the beginning of December. We all had the choice to go home or keep going with the outreach. We chose to go on. Then 2 weeks into our outreach our leader (and only staff person from YWAM Denver) fell off of a horse and fractured her skull (she ended up with 24 fractures in the base of her skull) and ruptured her ear drum. Once again we were faced with the question - were we going to continue on? We as a team were not going to give up. But it was up to the staff at YWAM Denver. They had never allowed an outreach team to go on without a staff person. After much prayer they decided that God had a reason for us to go on and it was evident that obstacles were coming in our path to hinder us. So they appointed Bart, our bass player, to be our leader and for him to be accountable to the staff back in Denver. During this time we grew as a team and also as individuals. For myself going on this outreach was not easy... I was still struggling with the tragic incident of the shooting, I was struggling with insecurities, and I was wanting to be with my dad as he was going through heart procedures. However, even through this time God was destroying the fear I had from the shooting, He was with me as I was learning and working on my insecurities, and He was comforting me as I was wanting to be with my dad. Like I said I had an incredible time and I had an amazing time with the people on my team. I got to know them really well. At times when I was really stressed out, someone would be there making me laugh. We all were definitely a fun group and laughed a lot.

Home Again

After the outreach/tour was over I decided to go visit my relatives in Albuquerque, New Mexico for 10 days and then take a train home. But once I got to New Mexico I found out that I had developed bronchitis. I got an antibiotic and got better really fast. Therefore, I rested and once I started feeling better I went horse back riding and just hung out with my cousin. Even though I had bronchitis I had a really good time in New Mexico. Then I took a 24 hour train ride back home - which was also relaxing and gave me time to process the last 5 months in YWAM Denver and to prepare myself for coming home. But I was not prepared for what was about to happen.
My mom picked me up at the train station and about 10 minutes later she got a phone call from my dad saying that my grandma was going to go to the hospital. She had a bleeding ulcer and was bleeding internally. Basically she almost died. My grandpa (her husband) was not in good condition either. A few days later he was admitted to the same hospital for bronchitis and not taking his medicine. My grandparents were in the hospital for about a week before being transfered to the same nursing home to go through physical therapy. They are doing well and I am not sure how long they will be there. Therefore, since I've been home I've been trying to help my parents out in any way possible as well as trying to get myself adjusted to being home again.

What now?

Many people have been asking me, "What are you going to do now?" and so far what I know that I am going to do is get a job to save up for the next thing that God wants me to do in YWAM. I believe that God wants me to do another school and I feel most led to do a leadership school. I feel like God wants to strengthen my weaknesses and show me my specific strengths and how to use them effectively. One thing that I am considering is... YWAM Denver has a school called Phase 2 which is a program designed to equip individuals who plan to serve God in full-time ministry. I believe that God has a specific ministry for me He just hasn't revealed that to me yet. Also after I have 12 weeks of training I will be ready to take my place in ministry (whatever that may be) just about anywhere in YWAM or a local church ministry. Also, completion of Phase 2 is required for people who want to join staff at YWAM Denver (which is also something I am thinking about). However, my next step in YWAM will not begin until 2009.
Also, while I am home I am learning how to play guitar as well as continuing to write music. I believe that if I continue to pursue music that God is going to open many doors and give me opportunities to bless others as well as it could also be something that could be used for my future ministry.

One last thing - I would like to thank you for supporting me in every way possible. I really appreciate it and it encourages me greatly.

BY the way, here are some pictures from the tour and of me and my guitar... ENJOY!

The Trillium Band

Playing worship in LA

Andrew Boyer playing during the offering in The People's Church in Fresno, CA

Playing for Worship in YWAM Denver
for the last time as a band

My Electric Guitar a
1997 Gibson ES 335

Me playing my guitar

The Rock Star inside of me comes out!
:-D